Quick thought before I masturbate

I just had a revelation. I don't like British people. 

I choo-choo-choose you

Well I went to the Cubs games last night and to the Cubby bear afterwards and planned on having "a few" beers. 10 hours later I woke up pantsless on a Greyhound bus headed for Lincoln, Nebraska. I have come to realize that I just might have a moderate to severe drinking problem. I have also come to realize that with today's gas prices, Greyhound is a nice alternative mode of transportation. I have also also come to realize that I suck. Not just in general, but across the board. Im not really good at anything, I am at most average. Everyone seems to have their own special talent, whether it be singing, drawing, playing music, digging holes, etc. Its sad, but if I had to think of one thing I was really good at, it would be slamming beer after beer for hours on end, and then inhaling White Castle afterwards in a furious display that some might mistake for a seizure. I have actually calculated that for every slider I eat, my chances of picking up girls goes down 12%, and for every beer I drink they get 7% more attractive. So it is a delicate balance which I need to work on since I havent seen a female breast in 7 years. Im off to bed.

MMM MMM GOOD

Well the weekend once again went by too fast, and here I am now wishing it was Friday already. This was a particular sober weekend in that I didnt end up a.) passing out in, on, or around the toilet, or b.) getting kicked out of a bar for "forgetting" where the toilet was. I limited my intake to a season low 3 beers on Friday night, patrially because I had to work on Saturday morning. So I arrived the standard hour late for work, got mocked by the contractor, and then retreated to my truck where I wept over a few delicious Sonic burgers. I got home just in time to catch the start of my beloved Notre Dame football squadron kick off the new season. And let me tell you, it was a roller coaster. I cheered, and then wept, and then cheered again, all while enjoying some delightful Sonic chicken strips. Meanwhile, I hadent realized that to this point in the day, I had consumed a dangerously large amount of Sonic, so in a frightened panic, I took a nap. I woke up about 14 hours later.............to be continued.
Later dudes

World Record

Move over Michael Phelps. I think I may have set a new world record today by eating 8 Airheads. 4 for lunch, and then 4 more for dinner. Although I imagine some super natural being has at one time eaten more, I challenge him/her to add on top of that, 1 super rope, 2 cups of pudding, and a half bag of Combos. As you can see health is my number one priority. As for this weekend, I think Im gonna start it out tommorow by going to watch my beloved Cogs play some Friday night football. I figure, hey there playin in Wheaton, and I have no life, and follow that up with I'm a loser, add it all up, and you get me standing on the side lines re-living my high school glory days of winning 2 games a year. Im setting my sites on Saturday though, yeah, Saturday is where its at. Ill wake up early on Saturday, say around 11, and tackle that pile of laundry thats been bugging me. Then Ill do one load, realize its noon, and quit because I am already dreading going back to work on Monday, which at that point would still be some 44 hours away. The laundry will sit, in the washing machine, wet, while I embark on my voyage to become the Airhead Eating Champion of District 7. It may require a trip to the grocery store though, as I have nearly inhaled the pack of 70 that I purchased in a drunken haze at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. By this time Sunday should be rolling around, and this time Im gonna make it count. I think Ill spend some time outside on Sunday, maybe leave the parking lot of my apartment complex. Ill most likely be glued to my computer tracking fantasy football stats on one window, while scrolling through pages of porn in another window. It's Sunday, I know, but I will make up for it next weekend by going to church, or watching it on TV, or drinking so much I forget what day it is and then I wont feel so bad. But anywho, Ill let you know how my weekend turned out. GO GOGS!
Later dudes

An introduction to myself

This is my first attempt at "blogging", not to be confused with "yogging", but I thought I would pick up a new hobby that I will undoubtedly drop within a few days. I guess I should start out by giving you a brief synopsis of myself.
I love to drink heavily on the weekends and forget what my name is. I like waking up in a strange new place and then trying to find my way home. I enjoy going through life without goals or any real plan. The best sound in the world is the crack of a beer can. You can usually find me at a bar on Friday and Saturday nights, and Sunday through Thursday on my couch watching sports with a beer in my hand and about 12 empties strewn about. I went to Iowa once, but other than that I dont like leaving Illinois. I dont have much motivation in life, and nothing really drives me to succeed, but if I had to pick one thing that makes me happy I guess it would be my car. I got a Lebaron convertible, pretty sweet. Got it from my Grandma when she died.
Now that we have gotten to know each other, ladies, please note that I am suprisingly single, and my Lebaron has a fresh tank of gas. Would you share that gas with me? Seriously though, maybe chip in a couple bucks.
Later dudes.