I was thinking the other day about Thankgsviving and what it means to me. Now many people say the best part about Thanksgiving is the fact that you are surrounded by loved ones, and you are "giving thanks" for all of the wonderful things you have been blessed with. Now I can see where they are coming from and I definatley enjoy spending time with the family, but I can tell you one thing, they are full of shit. The best part about Thanksgiving, and I know you will agree with me, is the following. The party starts Wednesday night, "Black Wednesday", as they call it. You anticipate it almost as much as some of the top binge drinking nights of the year, such as New Years Eve, 4th of July, or in my case, John Wayne Gacy's birthday. You gather with freinds, relatives, and strangers at your favorite local watering hole, and you drink until the ugly girls look pretty, the ugly guys look like ugly girls, and you involuntarily discharge liquid matter from one or more oraphises. Thursday morning you wake up.......somewhere, just in time to catch the start of the noon football games. You sit your ass down for the next 3-6 hours taking in high octane Detroit Lions football, while someone else slaves away in the kitchen for your lazy ass. It's now 6 p.m., dinner is served. You sit down at the table, still looking like shit from the night before, and you commence on your voyage to uphold one of the seven deadly sins, ultimate gluttony. You mash food into your face at high speeds while you guzzle down more beer, eating and drinking so much that in ordinary circumstances would probably kill you. But you have the willpower, becasue this is a speacial occasion, this is Thanksgiving. On Friday, the busiest shopping day of they year, we all dash out the door at obscenely early times and rush to the nearest store to find the best values, trampling others, complete strangers, just to get the best deals, almost transforming us into complete Jews for a few frenzied hours. We retun home to show our prizes, still smattered with blood from the poor persons face you stepped on to get the last Tickle Me Elmo, and did you have to wear football cleats? On Friday night, after the hustle and bustle of the Thanksgiving holiday has died down, we all take a step back, crack open a beer, and say, "Whens Christmas?" I love Thanksgiving.

P.S. I apologize to any Jewish people, or anyone directly involved with Jewish people for my coy remarks. I was nearly perputuating a stereotype that is in fact 100% true. Again, I apologize. HEHE J/K

P.S.S. I apologize to any ugly girls who I may have offended. I only ask one thing of you; continue to bring you more attractive female freinds to the bar with you......you can wait in the car.

P.S.S. Make sure to tell your Mother this Thanksgiving how much you appreciate all of her hard work and how much she means to you, because you never know how many of these holidays you have left with your family.

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!! Fuckers.....